I'll do it later, when I have time. I'll do it later, when I'm older and have found myself. I'll do that after a graduate from college. I'll find time to learn how to be the perfect girlfriend by the time I find my soul-mate. I'll do that later. Later. Later. Later...
All my life I've kept telling myself that one day I'll be more patient. One day I'll be more loving, and gossip less. One day I'll find that happy medium between my parent's life-long religion and my I'm-too-tired-to-figure-this-out/Aslan/Spaghetti Monster in the Sky belief system I've found myself in. One day I'll know how to run a household. One day I'll know how to do my taxes. One day I'll stay caught up with the laundry. One day I'll figure out how to budget correctly and not spend all my money at Gamestop and Half-Price Bookstores. One day I'll find my soul mate and be self-aware enough that I can stand on my own two feet AND be his/her other half. One day I'll have the time to focus on myself and become who I've always wanted to be. One day I'll be a "grown-up".
On a Wednesday, the 7th to be precise, I will be a grown-up.
Well, "one day" is now. I don't have any more time to figure out what I'm going to be, where I'm going to go. I've got to figure it out now. Not right this second, I want to write this blog post after all, but I need to focus on myself now for a little while so I can find exactly what it is I want to do with the rest of my life. Because obviously, the rest of my life approaches faster than you think.
Life is scary as hell. Adult life is even scarier. When I was getting my Bachelor's here at Lamar(shameless plug for my Alma Mater), whenever I would complain that things were getting too hard, many older adults in my life would say to me variants of: "The older you get, the shorter the day becomes, the longer your to-do list, and the less sleep you get." Or my personal favorite "It only gets harder the older you get, sweetheart."
Well thanks for that vote of confidence. I hope you read that last sentence with dripping sarcasm.
I had a heart-to-heart text conversation with a good friend of mine last night. Talking about how scary the future is and taking steps towards it are all giant leaps of faith. He said at one point: "They would be called lands of certainty if they weren't terrifying." And he's exactly right. Anything worth fighting for is going to be difficult, going to be scary. All big moments in one's life are pretty intense. Can't wait for them to happen forever, holding on to mommy's apron strings or daddy's belt loop. To spout a cliché, at one point in your life, hopefully in your late teens to early 20's if you're lucky, you have to spread your wings and fly. On your own.
Going to college in my hometown and not moving out at 18 may have been a mistake. I only put off the inevitable leaving of my parents' fold. I also had to deal with the age-old "you'll always be my baby" babying/keeping me from growing up crap. "I'm 21 years old, mother, I should be allowed to stay out later than 11:30!" was heard frequently at my house. Don't even think about bringing up having a beer, either, because "alcohol is DANGEROUS!" Alright mom, how's that margarita taste?
In my personal opinion, tequila(main staple of a Margarita) is the "most dangerous" alcohol of them all. Jose and I aren't friends.
Back onto the "grown-up" question. Except I have to be at my "grown-up job" (I work at a toy-store) in a little while, so I'll have to get back to you on this.
Just know, if you're 20-something, later is now. Now is the time you have to get your shit together and become who you want to be. Don't let everything pass you by. Your time is now. Don't just sit on your ass and not do anything about it. You don't want to realize one day that you're someone you really don't like. You might not even have "later".
Again, I leave you with a quote to ponder.
“Right now I want a word that describes the feeling that you get--a cold sick feeling, deep down inside--when you know something is happening that will change you, and you don't want it to, but you can't stop it. And you know, for the first time, for the very first time, that there will now be a before and an after, a was and a will be. And that you will never again quite be the same person you were.”
― Jennifer Donnelly, A Northern Light
Have a great day, find the joy in your life, and never let it go, no matter what life throws at you!
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